It's true, I'm the only one in the office today.  And yes, I'm finally caught up with my work.   And okay, I don't necessarily mind personal phone calls at work.  Especially when there's nobody around to overhear what I'm talking about.

But I sure as hell didn't want this phone call.

I just got off the phone with EW.  Can you  believe it?  He called me at work!  Said he thinks he might have made a mistake and he wants me back.

HA!

I may be dumb, but I ain't stupid.  My momma didn't raise no fool.  Insert any other cliche here of the same vein.

Of course, I brought up her.  You know what he said? 

None of them ever meant anything.

None of them?  NONE OF THEM?  I only knew of one, and now I find out there were more.  No wonder he sucked in the sack.  He was exhausted!

And while I was still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor and stop banging my head against the desk, he swore he'd do anything to get me back.

Need a new car?  He'll buy me one.

New house?  It's mine.

Marriage counseling?  Make an appointment.

Fat chance.  There an opening line to a song that comes to mind:  It's independence day, I'm free. 

Yup.  That's me.  Free.  Free of EW.  Free of the cheating.  Free of the lying.

So what if I'm also free of sex.  It's not like I was really getting any before, anyway.

You should probably visit the clinic to make sure cheating and lying aren't the only things you're free of these days.